The intuitive path has recently insisted I pay attention to all things mother. And the first association I make, beyond the obvious maternal meaning, is goddess, earth mother. Taking it a step further, for those of us who suffer the disadvantages of CFS/ME, the mother connection comes in with our mitochondria. It’s the mtDNA or DNAmt. Were you to go all “mystical” or “metaphysical” about the mother, you would point to the mitochondria and be backed by the science since the DNA for the mitochondria runs along the maternal line. So, it goes like this: my grandmother quite literally suffered and died due to complications created by CFS/ME. Her heart gave out. She had seen all the doctors, been pronounced “fine” and sent home with quite a few drugs to alleviate her symptoms for which they knew no cause. For years, she bootstrapped her way along, often complaining of freakish levels of fatigue and afraid of what her heartbeat suggested. She had every reason to be afraid. The great thing about CFS is the fatigue, as ironic as that is. It’s what separates the heart failures/transplants from those who get to keep living and keep their hearts. If you heed the fatigue, let your body regroup and heal, pacing yourself, your heart should sustain you.

Today is my 3rd day of feeling more connected to earth mother as I heal my soon-to-be mighty mitos. I hold this brew in my mouth and swish it around, careful to avoid my teeth(!) and the colours alone fill me with joy. As I’m juicing the organic beets, beet greens, kale, carrots and apple, I feel the whole body equivalent of my mouth watering…if that makes sense. My gut is saying “Hurry up, must have. Get it down the hatch!” But I take my time with the whole process, careful to pace even my least strenuous motions, making a meditation out of the work. The colours seep into my vision, flood my soul and all I can do is grin. Much like the joy I feel when colours pile up on a canvas, dots piling up to reveal the image coming from my depths…these vivid hues sing with life. Of the mother…of earth mother’s depths sustaining…

Here’s to healing practices that bring joy…

2014, j. ruth kelly, all rights reserved